


How About Now

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-01
Updated: 2008-09-01
Packaged: 2019-01-19 19:05:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12416154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Generally, people date before they propose. James Potter does not do general.





	How About Now

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

"Will you marry me?"

"Huh?" Lily Evans looked up from where she was sprawled across the floor in front of the fire, only to see James Potter kneeling beside her.

"Lily Evans, will you marry me?" he repeated.

Her eyebrows arched confusedly and she propped her chin on her hand. "No," she said, giving the most obvious answer.

"Oh." He looked slightly dejected, and fell back to sit cross-legged, hanging his head for a moment. He looked back up, almost hopefully. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she said, nodding slightly, "I'm sure."

He pouted for a moment, then, just as she found her spot on the page, spoke again. "Why not?"

Lily just looked at him. Then, hoping to make him go away, she sat up on her knees and edged forward, so that her face was on the same level as his, and they were fairly close. She didn't want the whole common room to hear this discussion, after all.

"Well for one," she began, "we're seventeen. For another, generally people date before they get engaged. And finally, that was the most unoriginal proposal I've ever heard. 'Will you marry me?' Honestly..."

"Why Lily, I had no idea you cared. Of course I'll marry you." He winked.

"You know what I meant."

"So," he said slowly, "how about if I come up with something better, then you'll reconsider?"

Lily rolled her eyes, tried not to laugh, and turned back to her book. "Most likely not."

"How about if I get a ring? Then will you marry me?"

"No!" The laugh was very hard to contain that time. He sounded like a little boy begging for a sweet.

"What if you fall madly in love with me and I jump in front of speeding cars to save you life? How about then? Then would you marry me?"

She shrugged. "Maybe then. But don't count on it."

"So the lady gives me no hope?" He flung his arm across his forehead and collapsed on the floor, obviously having died of a broken heart.

"None whatsoever," she said with a smile, and poked him in the ribs. "Besides, I'm supposed to hate you, haven't you been listening to what people say?"

He miraculously came back to life, and grinned at her from the floor. "Yeah, but I know it's not true. You haven't hated me for a year."

Lily rolled her eyes. "How do you know that?"

He shrugged. "You haven't given me that kooky look where I would die if looks could kill. So, how about now? I can see the working of your inner soul, we must be soul mates. Now would you marry me?"

"James, do you remember what happened the last time you asked me out? Not good, was it?"

"Not good doesn't even begin to cover _that_ time. Of course, it was a year and a half ago. And in the year and a half since, I've grown on you, admit it. You like me a little bit."

Lily clenched her teeth. No need to let him know that he was right. "Do you want a repeat experience?"

"Not particularly, but I'm not asking you out, I'm asking you to marry me. There's a difference. This shows commitment and responsibility and true love. Would you marry me now? I can tell that by now you're madly in love with me, and I can find some speeding cars tomorrow to jump in front of, then we can elope as soon as I'm out of St Mungo's."

"James, I'm not going to elope with you."

"Ah, you want a big wedding. Well, that can be arranged, I s'pose."

"I'm not going to marry you!" she laughed. "Why are we ever having this conversation?"

"Because, all couples who are hopelessly in love arrive at this conversation sooner or later."

"A lot sooner in this case, as I wasn't even aware that I'm hopelessly in love with you."

"Well you should be."

Lily's eyebrows shot up and a chuckle escaped her lips. "Is that so? Pray tell, why?"

"It's simple, my dearest Lily. We-"

"Don't call me that."

"What?"

"'My dearest Lily,' don't call me that."

"Fine. Eternally lovely Lily, you should be in love with me - you should _marry_ me - because we're obviously meant for each other." He grinned and reached for a piece of her hair. She backed up quickly. "We're soul mates, Lily! We're... er... well, you should marry me, anyway."

She guffawed. "I'm sure."

"How do you know that we're not meant for each other?"

"How do you know that we are?"

He clapped his hand to his heart. "How can you even suggest that! Of course we're meant for each other! Of course we're meant to be together! If we weren't, d'you have any idea how many potential dates I've turned down in hopes of you marrying me? Lots. You'd own me a hell of a lot of dates, if we weren't meant to be together. And then we'd be together anyway, on all those dates. It's inescapable, we're stuck with each other." He paused for breath. "Now would you marry me?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'll tell you what, James. It's taken you a year and a half to not be an absolute asshole, yes? So let's say in another year and a half, if both of us aren't dead, married, dating, evil, or anything else that we hate in other people, _then_ I'll maybe marry you."

He shook his head, and took her hand. "Maybe marry me? That doesn't sound good enough. I'm sorry Lily, but maybe marrying me is like if someone maybe caught the Snitch, if I maybe scored a goal, if you maybe had hair, if you maybe got to eat, if Sirius maybe showered. Maybe isn't good enough."

She had the strangest feeling that she should probably pull her hand away, if this not marrying James thing was going to work out. "Fine. If everything I just said happens, then we can get married. But I'm adding one more condition."

"What?"

"We actually have to be in love."

"To do that, you'd have to give me a chance to make you fall in love with me."

"I am right now."

"Too true. I haven't had this good a time since... Since I won the Quidditch Cup," he finally proclaimed, looking rather proud of himself.

"How romantic," Lily said wryly, "being compared to a sporting victory."

"I could always compare you to a flower, would that be better?"

"No!" Lily hated the painfully obvious connection.

"Alright, alright, no need to get mad at me. We won't have a very good home life if we're always arguing, after all."

He looked so sincere, yet so mocking at the same time. What could she do but play along?

"No, I s'pose not."

He grinned, and began to stand up. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, most wonderful of fiancées." He leaned forward and pecked her cheek.

Lily watched his retreating back curiously. "What," she asked herself, "just happened?"


End file.
